what to do when my mom wont get me therapy/medications for anxiety & agoraphobia?
April 4th, 2010
Sara asked:
okay, so i definitely have had anxiety & agoraphobia for at least 3 years. i have all of the symptoms. but what makes it worse is that im a performer (musician.) whenever i play solos or perform in a band, i shake uncontrollably. my heart palpitates, and i get dizzy. its been getting worse lately though, today in band in the peice right as my solo came up…i just got up and went to the bathroom. im so embarrassed about this but i wasnt even thinking. i just had a panic attack. so since ive realized this is getting worse and worse, i asked my mom if i could get therapy and try prescription mediactions because the homeopathic ones arent doing a thing. she thinks im just being dramatic and that i have to take deep breaths, but she DOESNT understand! she was being really rude and unhelpful and made me feel like i want to be seen as this way, when thats the opposite. i just want help, and its not something deep breathing and yoga will cure! ive tried. i really need help and im scared about how much worse this will get. i already dont go in public to anywhere but school because of the fear of seeing people i know and not being able to escape when i do, and i want to homeschool SO badly to get away from everyone. i have thoughts of ending my life and what would happen, and i only sleep about an hour a night because im up all night crying about everything that is going wrong. does anyone have some advice for me, or personal experiences? thank you very much.
Deirdre
okay, so i definitely have had anxiety & agoraphobia for at least 3 years. i have all of the symptoms. but what makes it worse is that im a performer (musician.) whenever i play solos or perform in a band, i shake uncontrollably. my heart palpitates, and i get dizzy. its been getting worse lately though, today in band in the peice right as my solo came up…i just got up and went to the bathroom. im so embarrassed about this but i wasnt even thinking. i just had a panic attack. so since ive realized this is getting worse and worse, i asked my mom if i could get therapy and try prescription mediactions because the homeopathic ones arent doing a thing. she thinks im just being dramatic and that i have to take deep breaths, but she DOESNT understand! she was being really rude and unhelpful and made me feel like i want to be seen as this way, when thats the opposite. i just want help, and its not something deep breathing and yoga will cure! ive tried. i really need help and im scared about how much worse this will get. i already dont go in public to anywhere but school because of the fear of seeing people i know and not being able to escape when i do, and i want to homeschool SO badly to get away from everyone. i have thoughts of ending my life and what would happen, and i only sleep about an hour a night because im up all night crying about everything that is going wrong. does anyone have some advice for me, or personal experiences? thank you very much.
Deirdre
Categories: Mental Health | Tags: Medications For Anxiety, Mom
Rachael
omg thats soo sad
your mom kinda sounds like my mom. she doest care and she just shrugs things of. its sooooo annoying. ive been tryin to get help too for my anxiety and stress and ADD and OCD and possible Celiac Disease. i keep askin my mom to call and make appointments but she ”forgets” which really just means she doesnt care. so i kinda know how you feel. but i think that if you bug her enough she will finally listen to you and give in. thats the only advice that i have. or you could even talk to your school counselor about it. i hope things get better for you
James
Can’t you see the doctor without your Mom?
Patricia
Sara, it is almost creepy how similar we are.
I am also a musician, but I always play solo, so if I mess up, everyone knows. I get performance anxiety so bad that I very rarely have a good performance. My parents also tell me I’m just fine, but I know that’s absolutely not true. People say that you can just calm down, but that is absolutely full of crap.
Here’s my advice- if you tell your parents you’re having suicidal thoughts, they might listen. If not, you could talk to a counselor or teacher- they have to listen. You could also wait for your next doctor’s appointment or checkup and tell your doctor then.
Be persistent. If you don’t get help, you won’t improve. People have many “cures” for panic and agoraphobia, but really none of them work. Talk to someone. Eventually, someone will listen.
Joanna
I had the same problem for at least 5 years. Just so you can be realistic about this, I can tell you for sure it can take a while until you get to ‘normal’. I’m typing from my cellphone now, so I’m going to be brief. Remember, there is no universal formula for getting rid of anxiety and agoraphobia. But there are certain steps you must take to get yourself better: 1. Know the real problem. 2. Know yourself better. 3. Cognitive therapy. You can heal yourself. 4. Certain plant-based pills, like saint johns wort. 5. Best one: face your fears gradually. Have patience with yourself. 6. Think positive. There are more but not that essential techniques to be told. I’m quite in a hurry now to get to work, so you will have to deal with those i mentioned. I’d be happy to know I helped you with your problem. I wish you health and peace !
Lindsey
Yep, the school counselor is the way to go. It makes me angry that so many parents want to brush it off as just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get over it. They are too wrapped up in themselves. Also, many of them think it means they did something wrong or carried bad genes to you and that would make them appear faulty and they can’t handle that.
They don’t understand and that’s why they must learn to listen and believe their kids. That’s why the school counselor is the best way to go. Don’t hold back on telling all this as you have here. They have to help especially when you feel so overwhelmed that you consider *******.
I’m sorry you are feeling so low & wish I could help personally. Get up the gumption and get help. This may be the first time in your life you’ll have to fight for survival, but do it. Things can get much better. I’ve battled depression for many years and know how it gets a grip on your soul.
Hugs.
Sandra
Yeah i so understand you parents sometimes dont understand anything seriously. I sometimes go nuts because my parents dont understand a thing so i dont even bother talking to them about things. I really feel for you i think you should try to see someone without your mum and if you cant you should talk to a school counceller and they can refer you. I am only 17 and suffer from sociale anxiety and depression but my tafe refered me to a “youth worker”.
I’m not sure if they have youth workers where you are from but in Australia they do. They help kids with everything who dont have parents or are in trouble with the law or cant get into schools or whatever and much more. I am seeing a psychologist next month and looking forward to it. Please dont isolate yourself by home school that will make it a lot worse to get back into society, you got to be strong ok even though I know that it seems impossible at times.
Maybe you can pretend you feel sick and let your mum take you to the doctor and make up an excuse so your mum waits in the car or doesnt come in with you, and tell the doctor how you feel and he/she will prescribe some medication for you. Please take care and good luck with everything. xoxo
Mark
Call children’s services
Amy
AGORAPHOBIA often occurs as a result of having had a panic attack in a public place, and not wanting to repeat that experience outside of a place where someone feels safe, which is usually at home, in a place where they feel exposed, and unable to get help quickly. Most people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are on page 1, at 8m.com, below, about agoraphobia. At the first sign of one, employ an ANTI PANIC ATTACK breathing technique. Advice from a clinical psychologist is to breathe in to the count of 3: (one thousand one; one thousand two; one thousand three) each takes around a second to say to yourself, in your mind, and out to the count of 3.
View & Note: the controlled breathing only helps with the symptoms, as do medications/herbal remedies. Address the underlying cause, which requires some form of therapy; see your-mental-health.8m.com, below, re anxiety, on pages H, & I. Imagine that the cause of your panic; your anxieties, fears, your self doubts, self recriminations, all the agonizing “I’m-so-Stupids”; every painful “I-can’t-do-it” are huge raging, hurtful bulls snorting and charging at you. You see them coming at you and you hold out your red matador’s cape at arms length and simply let them charge right by. Every time they come at you, hold out your arm with the red cape and let them rage and snort and go right on past. Some people recommend nettle tea, with a little honey. Others use Lavender tea, Lemon Balm, Chamomile, but use no milk or cream with herbal teas, or Valerian (caution: use it for 3 weeks at most!). Know how these affect you before driving, or doing anything dangerous, and it is far better to use the treatments, rather than relying on herbal remedies. Free online PANIC COURSE – also available by email. See the section on panic attacks at also Ebooklet form. They recommend letting a panic attack run its course, without doing anything to treat it, so you KNOW you will survive it. The usual maximum is 30 minutes, until symptoms begin to subside.
Also see
and (chatroom, and one free email is allowed to their resident expert on joining [free] – more if a paid up member) and… and… and and Practice a relaxation method, daily, and when needed, such as or or or Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) at Most people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are on page 1, at 8m.com, about panic.