social anxiety disorder a.k.a social phobia?
July 9th, 2010
Yummy Mummy asked:
Hi I’ve been doing a little research, and it seems my partner has social anxiety disorder……….all the symptoms are there.
He was recently made redundant, but is keen to get back to work as we have a young family to support. However, even the thought of an interview gives him a full blown panic attack…..he breathes faster, he shakes, complains of a tight chest, even sweats…………all classic symptoms of social anxiety disorder. It’s not just the thought of an interview either. Whenever we are invited out, even to a friend or relatives house, we have to make an excuse as to why we can’t go as these situations cause panic attacks. Our daughter asked him to take her swimming and although he would love to he just doesn’t feel able to as he thinks he is being watched and judged constantly. We rarely go into town to shop, and he would sooner do our food shopping online just to avoid people. He knows all this is irrational, but it’s something he cannot control………think of a fear of spiders or needles but a LOT worse.
We want to get married, but even that panics him…..and before you say that’s normal, on this level I can assure you it’s not ( I suggested just having a couple of witnesses and our daughter present but even that sends him into panic mode)
Is there any help I can get for him, as this ongoing condition is not only disrupting our lives on a daily basis, but he feels he is making our daughter miss out on a lot of things other kids takes for granted. Basically he feels like a failure to us as a family, and that makes him more depressed every day.
He has been like this for as long as i can remember, and although I’m not a Dr, even I can see this is not a normal phobia……..it’s worse.
Thanks for not quitting this novel halfway through!
Richard
Hi I’ve been doing a little research, and it seems my partner has social anxiety disorder……….all the symptoms are there.
He was recently made redundant, but is keen to get back to work as we have a young family to support. However, even the thought of an interview gives him a full blown panic attack…..he breathes faster, he shakes, complains of a tight chest, even sweats…………all classic symptoms of social anxiety disorder. It’s not just the thought of an interview either. Whenever we are invited out, even to a friend or relatives house, we have to make an excuse as to why we can’t go as these situations cause panic attacks. Our daughter asked him to take her swimming and although he would love to he just doesn’t feel able to as he thinks he is being watched and judged constantly. We rarely go into town to shop, and he would sooner do our food shopping online just to avoid people. He knows all this is irrational, but it’s something he cannot control………think of a fear of spiders or needles but a LOT worse.
We want to get married, but even that panics him…..and before you say that’s normal, on this level I can assure you it’s not ( I suggested just having a couple of witnesses and our daughter present but even that sends him into panic mode)
Is there any help I can get for him, as this ongoing condition is not only disrupting our lives on a daily basis, but he feels he is making our daughter miss out on a lot of things other kids takes for granted. Basically he feels like a failure to us as a family, and that makes him more depressed every day.
He has been like this for as long as i can remember, and although I’m not a Dr, even I can see this is not a normal phobia……..it’s worse.
Thanks for not quitting this novel halfway through!
Richard
Categories: Mental Health | Tags: Fear Of Spiders, Panic Attack, Panic Mode
Danny
Let me start by saying I’m not an expert on mental health..
Based on what you said, he most likely does have some sort of issue with social interaction. He understands it and agrees that it’s irrational, and that confirms it even more so.
What’s important is, whether or not it makes sense to you.. he feels strongly about it. Whether his feelings are logical or not, they’re still important and should not be ignored. That will not help.
I strongly recommend you suggest he seek professional help. Just pose it as someone for him to talk to and help to explain his concerns to.
He can get over it, but he needs support from all around him, instead of judgment or consequences if he doesn’t start acting like everyone thinks he should.
Susan
I have social anxiety and there is medicine out there that can help. He just needs to see a dr and get on some medicine that will help.
CHARLES
Go to: select “social anxiety” for free Cognitive Behavio(u)ral Therapy. An exercise which may help you is called “Act as If.” When you are in a social situation, act as if you are outgoing. Talk more; smile at people, ask questions, speak in a normal or excited tone, not a meek tone. Watch some of your more outgoing peers, and imitate the style of their social behavior. (PRETEND that you are an ACTOR, PLAYING a PART). Research shows that when you “act as if” continually, your image of yourself begins to conform to your new behavior. In this case, you will gain self-esteem and self-confidence, and begin to see yourself as socially normal, not shy. You will become more socially successful, and this will motivate you to continue your new social behavior until it becomes a habit. A form of therapy is to go somewhere that nobody knows you, and deliberately make an utter fool of yourself: put on a paper hat, and yell out: “I’m queen/king of America!”, or something else ridiculous, (make up your own – have some fun, safely) then get back in the taxi, (warn the driver of your intentions, first) or car, and leave. People will point, and say: “Look at that idiot”. Or, possibly in the company of a friend, or family member, on a different train, or bus route to your regular one, call out the names, or numbers of all the stops. It will teach you that, although it isn’t actually pleasant, (EXPECT MODERATE DISCOMFORT/EMBARRASSMENT) you will survive; be stronger for the experience, and the next time (should you need to repeat this type of therapy) will be considerably easier. Remember: “A fear avoided is a fear strengthened; a fear faced is a fear reduced.” Regard it as your final test: once you have accomplished it, the barrier will be broken; just don’t go too far, the other way! Learn to laugh at yourself, and give a big, cheesy grin when others see you do something foolish, as we all do, occasionally. It is endearing, if you don’t do it too often. Use positive affirmations: for example: “I am very likable and other people feel comfortable around me”.
Write down all of your self limiting beliefs; then write down, or print, in large type/capitalisation, the positive counter of them, (exact opposite) and repeat them and imprint them into your mind. Put it in a prominent position, where you will see it regularly. Most importantly: Force yourself to approach somebody and initiate some sort of communication. Start out small by asking the time, or directions and gradually go bigger. Although there are anti-anxiety medications (anxiolytics) available, these come with risks, and the possibility of side effects, habituation, even addiction, and withdrawal problems, and are unsuitable for young people. Try having a cup of “Tension Tamer”, herbal tea, by Celestial Seasonings, (from supermarket tea, or health food aisles) or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed. C(h)amomile tea tastes better. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk. Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, from health food stores. Valerian has also been recommended, but some people experience “valerian hangovers”. Ensure you know how you react to it, before doing something potentially dangerous, like going out on the roads. The idea is to use the above products like water wings, to provide initial, short term support, while you become proficient in those techniques. Use a relaxation method daily, like or or or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at “EFT” & “EFT therapists” Professional is best. – There is a version for use in public places, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: “Even though I suffer from social anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
Kelly
Hey, I truly understand how you feel…
The “impending doom” feeling and the fight-or-flight response. I’ve been there. I’m an ex-victim.
Do NOT buy Panic Away, Linden Method, EasyCalm or the Panic Puzzle. They do NOT work – I’ve tried them. Medications do NOT work – I was under many antidepressants (Prozac, Lexapro, Paxil and Zoloft) and anti-anxiety medications (Ativan, Klonopin, and Xanax) but my condition was the same – no improvement at all.
The only program that really work is The Panic Attack Solution. It’s found by an ex-victim. You can check out his old blog in his official website to read up some useful tips.
But the package is the best – it teaches 17 powerful techniques and the real solution to panic attacks. I’ve bought it and it really helped me – it’s the BEST anti-anxiety package or book I’ve read.
Check out his official website: