I think I have social anxiety? Really need someones advice?
June 18th, 2010
I’ve always wondered if i had some sort of anxiety disorder. I’m 16 and have major trouble with social situations. Found a site with symptoms of social anxiety disorder:
Excessive fear of public speaking
Avoidance of social situations
Extreme fear of being judged or embarrassed
Blushing, sweating, shaking, pounding heart
Extreme discomfort with dating
Panic attack
Heart palpitations
Difficulty breathing
Feeling disoriented
Feeling loss of control
Dizziness or feeling faint
Compulsion to escape
I have all these symptoms.
I still haven’t seen a doctor for this yet.
Social life ***** for me. I can barely look a girl in the eye let alone date. And right now I’m taking a class during summer school. Only three other students in the class, all of which i know. And I get nervous there. I always try to avoid going to peoples houses or if i am at one and they want to go to their friends house and want me to join, I try to make an excuse. Also recently I started taking meds for adhd, but have noticed these symptoms FAR before then. Though it seems the meds kind of increase my social awkwardness. I really want to see a doctor and maybe get something prepscribed. I still want to take my ADHD meds. So if anyone knows of a anxiety medication that doesnt react with my other meds, please tell me. I am currently taking Concerta 36mg
UPDATE: The only problem I have getting treatment, is money. I don’t even know, if i were prepscribed meds, my parents would be able to afford them.
Gary
Categories: Psychology | Tags: Extreme Fear, Heart Palpitations, Social Situations
Roy
The most effective treatment for anxiety is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). Don’t jump into getting medicated for this because it is something you can overcome without changing your body’s chemistry. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist (someone qualified!). They can help you overcome this fear of social situations. It takes time but it can be done.
Best wishes to you! You can do it!
Pete
Just so ya know..There are alot of other aspects of psycho-social issues with ADHD. PLus your a teenager and the hormosnes make everything worse. Talk to your ADHD doc as they would no best howe to proceed as you shoudl also be having counseling for these feelings of anxiety. I have adughter that has been on ADHD meds since 2nd grade and she has always had irrational fears, phobias, habuts whatever you want to call them, so its real common. Talk to your Dr. counselor. They have seen it all before.
Yvonne
I’ve had REALLY similar problems as you. First know that all of this social anxiety is all in your mind and it can be solved within the mind. Do not take meds because they are just chemicals that you are putting into your body and nothing is being solved. You are just going to make it worse, so stop it. I will try to help you with my answer through my experiences, knowledge and understandings;
First off the root of anxiety, shyness, nervousness, and so forth are from fear. When the mind is afraid then the body will get the messages, so then the body will turn tensed, rigid, have fast heart beats, ect.
My strategy to go against fear is this;
Now when your in a fearful situation such as being around people, well I want you to imagine every negative or positive outcome that may happen to you when your in a fearful situation and just “let it happen” instead of “preventing” it. When you try to prevent these outcomes made up in your mind, you create a barrier of fear, which makes your body turn tensed and rigid. Think about this though has fear ever benefited you in your whole life? Or has it instead made your situation worse by making your body turn tensed and rigid?
You are human, you are certainly going to die in this lifetime and so is everyone else. So “try” to “enjoy” every moment you can living, instead of living in “fear”. You can possibly die next week, next month or maybe in the next 2 years.
Okay next off with building self-confidence in yourself and to be around people see this;
We are all human and we ALL have good and bad qualities. There is no existing human that is perfect. We are all ordinary and equal. Our skin holds our flesh and bones together, we have a brain, heart, liver, lung, ears, nose, mouth. What makes us different from each other really? In reality we are all equal and the same.
Now you say you want to make friends right?
Well go and just talk to people! How?
“You won’t know until you try”
“Don’t doubt, attempt, make mistakes, learn, move forward, live”
You won’t know if a person you want to be friends with will be able to relate with you and would hang out with you until you yourself start talking to them in a friendly manner. Holding a decision is like making a delay, does it ever help? Don’t be afraid to make mistakes, humans make mistakes ALL the time, but what is important is that we “recognize” our mistake, “learn” from our mistake, and try to “avoid” doing it in the future.
Also if you want people to treat with well and with respect then you must also treat EVERYONE well and respectful.
” Treat others how you want them to treat you ”
” Whatever you do goes back to you ”
I am referring to karma.
If you treat a certain person badly, then you will get back the same treatment and it does not have to be from the same person you treated badly. So remember to treat everyone well ( that’s if you want the same treatment, which I’m sure you do). I’m not telling you to live your life at all, I’m just telling you the laws of karma, the laws of living.
***After I’ve done all of this to have more confidence in myself, there was still something missing and it was not loving myself. I couldn’t fully relate to people on how they might think of me, so what I had to do first was love myself in order to love others.
You hear this once and you’ll hear it again and its true;
” In order to love others you must first love yourself ”
So everyday when you wake up remember to love yourself to get yourself through the day.
Don’t be worried if you don’t “receive” love because that does not bring you true happiness, “giving” love brings more happiness than receiving for “ones own”. But remember in order to give love you most first love yourself because there must be a root that the love must start from, which is yourself, and then it grows and spreads onto others like a tree.
So in your case don’t worry if people don’t love you back, just remember what will truly make you happy and get you through a day is if you love yourself and love others, no need to receive as long as were giving, this is the formula of happiness.
note; I can’t live, be happy, talk to others feeling good if I don’t love myself, and accept myself. LOVE,ACCEPT,FORGIVE YOURSELF AND THEN TO OTHERS! =D
So conclusion, to not suffer and be happy;
*Expect yourself to “give” love, don’t expect to “receive”
Karen
This is a long post, but bear with me, OK? I spent 10 years learning to overcome social anxiety, fear, nervousness and depression, and I can honestly say with all my heart that I have overcome. Hopefully, my experience will make your journey to overcome fear only last a few months. I think it can be a lot easier than the life consuming monster it feels to be.
For years I was a VERY fearful person. It got so bad I had difficulty making eye contact with anyone for several years, I would shut down and become totally depressed when I was in social settings, and I had zero self-confidence. It was very bad. When I was 15, my motto was “Life Sucks” and I was suicidal. This lasted from about 13 until about 22 or so to varying degrees.
Now however, I’m 25, I run a business, I have a very bold, confident personality. I married a very gorgeous woman and have a baby girl on the way. I’m am very secure in who I am, my emotions are literally rock solid, I’m relaxed with people, I can talk to clients, I can be a salesman, I can speak in front of large groups of people with very little fear (it isn’t my specialty at this point, but I can do it well). And I guess I don’t have much of an issue bragging on myself any more either, hehehe
I want to say that fear/anxiety/panic attacks is something that can be overcome. It seems like such a big problem, but from my experience, there are easy solutions. There is tons of hope and you can outgrow your challenges and become who you want to be.
It can and will happen for you if you want it bad enough, and if you really want it, you will do the things I’m saying below. I’m saying it boldly because I know it works.
I personally do not believe drugs are the answer for this kind of an issue. I believe drugs work, but I think it is the easy way out and will never treat the real problem.
First things first. Face your fears. Even better, face your fears where you have no fear of consequence.
So, for example, you are afraid of talking to girls. Great. Go to a mall where no one knows you, either go by yourself, or go with friends if you have any that make you feel more comfortable.
Find a girl you think is pretty. She doesn’t know you and will never see you again. You are a nervous ball of sweat, your voice is cracking, your eyes are gazing into her eyes with a look of panic like a deer staring at headlights. You’re starting to creep her out, and you say to her these words, “Excuse me. I know this is going to sound strange, but if I don’t ask you now, I will be kicking myself for the rest of the day. I’m running to meet a friend [i.e., I have friends and I'm not a stalker], but I think you’re really cute/gorgeous. Could I have your phone number? I’m not a psycho–I promise. You can give me a fake one if you’re not interested.”
That may sounds crazy for you to try, but remember, you are supposed to be nervous. Repetition is the secret to confidence. No one is the bomb the first time they do something. Go somewhere where people don’t know you and practice on them. It will work if you do it. Also, if she responds by saying that she has a boyfriend, tell her, “Ah, well remind him what a lucky guy he is. Have a great day!”
While you’re at the mall. Walk around. While you’re walking, look at people in the eyes (be sure to blink here and there so you don’t look like a serial killer). Look friendly, and if someone makes eye contact back, –be the last one to look away–. If someone asks what you’re problem is, kindly say, “Oh sorry, I thought you were someone I knew”. This will help you get comfortable with people, it really works.
The best key to overcoming fear that I’ve ever used is Fear-Setting (By the way, these last few tips came from a book called The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris). Conquering fear is a matter of defining fear.
Think of something that you’re very afraid of. I will use the issue of talking asking out a pretty girl. What is the worst-possible scenario of asking for a girl’s phone number? The very worst is that she will call you a freak and slap you. Big deal, huh? You’ll never see her again. Nothing fatal here
Now think, what is the best case scenario? I’ll let your mind figure that one out what that means for you.
For me, losing that fear meant marrying a wonderful, smart, outright beautiful woman who has a heart that is committed to me (but I found her in church not a shopping mall).
Fear keeps us from doing things because we are concerned that if we do certain things, it could ruin our lives and make them worse. The trick is, living with fear is ruining our lives and making them worse. So we don’t step out and try risky things that may bring about a permanent increase to the quality of our lives because of fear of a temporary decrease.
That is largely what cured my fear in my early twenties.
Yahoo is clipping my message. if you want to know how I cured my depression and nervousness completely, let me know! Peace.